My First Check

Wow...a long day! I didn't sleep too great last night, I guess a little anxious. So I am pretty beat from leaving the house at 7:30 for an 11:00 appointment and just getting back home at 4:00. Everything went really well! I've got 23 documented follies with some small ones in the nooks and crannies. My estradiol level is 1736 (whatever that means) My lining is doing great too. So I will be on my estimated schedule which is ET on Wednesday. I was encouraged today because my first checkup for our 1stIVF wasn't this good and I was 29. I guess adding more meds was the ticket!

Monday I will make the trek back down for another ultrasound and ET instructions. I will have the little guy with me on Monday so that always makes for a more interesting road trip. It is nice though to have the distraction from the Main Event.

Moving Along

The nurse just called and said my blood test was good and they will see me tomorrow morning for more blood and an ultrasound. I woke up this morning and didn't really feel much going on until I started to my morning routine. They are still working away in there. I actually think this is the best part of the process for me. The shots aren't huge and you can actually feel stuff going on and know what it is. This is the part of the process where there is still an incredible amount of hope.

Nothin new

Nothing new today to report. I had a blood test this morning and I probably won't know the results...the numbers wouldn't mean much anyway. I know things are progressing cuz I can feel it pretty good on both sides. I'm not uncomfortable yet, but i'm very aware they are there. I'm just really thankful I didn't have to drive 6 hours today, YEAH!

i'm feeling it

Wow, i woke up this morning feeling my left side twinge a little. When my body has failed so bad in this area, it is truly exciting to feel it waking up! This week is starting to drag already. I cancelled a trip to the RE on Thursday since it is just a blood test and I can do it here. I need to get myself on the phone and start planning some outings for the week.

Here are the things that stress me out a little:

Committments I made months ago that I will have to cancel. I don't want to lie, but we aren't sharing with people what we are going through. I guess I just have to deal with the fact I will disappoint people and I may be judged for it. GET OVER IT MEGAN! (me telling myself to deal)

Driving-Alot of driving and trying to decide if I'll get a hotel for the night.....etc

Childcare-We will need some help down the road, especially for bed rest time...Will DH get time off work..etc

All the other stuff that is really out of my control. For some reason, that stuff is easier to deal with since I can't do anything about it.

Finances-Of course our tax bill is arriving the same month as our cycle. Was it wise to spend our savings on a procedure that could still be a failure?

Wow, I'm feeling the right side now....very cool!

Sleepy

I'm not sure if it is the meds or if we just had a crazy weekend, but I'm ready to hit the hay at 8:30. Besides that, I don't notice any changes. I do remember the major bloated heavy feeling towards the end of stims, but I'm good for now. I've had no more mishaps with my injections, yeah! I have a really low key week ahead, I'm not sure if that will make me crazy or if it will be good just to take it easy. I'm really getting excited. I'm usually better at keeping myself from getting too excited. I guess I just have a good feeling this time. I feel very at peace. That is definitely a blessing!

Starting Stims Today

Our appointment went well yesterday. Dr. said we are ready to get the party started! We added another medication this time (due to my aged ovaries). My recipe is lupron, gonal-f, and menopur in the morning and another gonal-f at night. I moved the lupron shot to my thigh to save my tummy, but it stings a little.

Dr. also said that I had a little endometriosis in the right ovary. I've never had this problem before. He said it is no big deal, but the left ovary would probably be the dominating egg producer. So, it will be a quiet week with just shots and we'll go back next thursday.

It's Starting!

My cycle finally started today. I was getting a little nervous that my body would do its normal trick and take a few extra days to kick in. I woke up yesterday morning with cramps, but nothing. Today was the same story, but AF actually came. Tomorrow we travel to the RE (3 hours away) for a baseline appointment. I'm so thankful that all our pre testing has been done locally. If all goes well tomorrow, I may start stims this weekend.

I've been doing alot of comparison thinking to our first IVF cycle. I was on a community board where there were many couples trying for their second or third child. I remember thinking...how selfish...can't they be content with what they have...all I want is at least one child, so I can be a mommy. Now that I'm doing this again, I feel guilty for thinking those thoughts about other people. If they were like us, they had an amazing experience the first time and just wanted to share their love with another little one. I also realize how much easier it is to go through this process with a child in my arms, with a scrapbook full of family memories, with pregnant belly pictures that I had so longed for.

If this is the end of the road for us to conceive another baby, I will learn to be content with the miracle we already have. It just seems like our family isn't totally complete. I have to say this past week I can't get enough of my son! His snuggles calm my anxious heart. He would be a great big brother.

Black an Blue

I started Lupron last Wednesday. Shots were not a problem for me at all the first time. This time around has been a little different. I must have bad aim or something, cuz my belly is bruised! My cycle is supposed to start any day, but I'm known for being delayed in this area. I'm learning that just because my schedule says one thing, my body doesn't always listen!

Here's The Deal

Here's the deal.....When we went through IVF the first time, I allowed too many people to know the details of the process. I allowed their opinions to get to me. I felt ashamed that we were so unconventional in our family planning. I felt guilty that I didn't just "wait for God's plan" Guess what! I've learned that this is God's plan for us! IVF is not a guarantee! He is still in control of all things, even amazing technology. He planned for our darling little boy to be conceived in this way. Is he less of a person? Is he less of a blessing? Is he less of a miracle? No....This is the path that God has put us on and there are actually days that I'm completely thankful for it.

As we go through the journey of IVF for the 2nd time, we've decided to keep it to ourselves for various reasons. So this is why I'm starting a blog. I need a place to dump all the emotions of the ups and downs and not be judged. I want to document a journey that God may use to ultimately create life.