A Reflection

I came across a journal entry today that documented our first IVF. I don't remember writing all the details. I'm so glad that I did. Here is a small blurb:
On Thursday October3, 2003, we had our 2nd beta. I was convinced it would be negative. I knew there was a small chance that it could work, but we had waited so long and had so many disappointments. Bad news was more likely than good news. We requested the Dr. call Zach on the cell so I didn't have to deal with the bad news by myself. Zach didn't get home until 6:00, I think my heart was skipping beats all day. He got out of the truck, gave me a huge hug and told me we were pregnant! We both cried in disbelief, excitement, releif and joy. That night I tried to make a 10 minute meal and it took an hour because my mind was so scattered.

I admit today my heart seems to be skipping beats again. Last night I went to the store and had a prenancy test in hand. I ended up putting it back. I decided I didn't want to spend $10 on something that could shatter me. I voted to save $10 and have one more day to believe I'm pregnant.